Dear Blog

I apologize for neglecting you. I have sat down many times to write about the things that lie deep within my heart, but I can't seem to form a sentence that translates what has been taking place inside of me. There has been so much going on around me, people that I love dearly that are torn and broken. I have been busy trying to reach goals that I have set for myself.... Trying to become STRONG in so many area's. I find at times it is exhausting and overwhelming which sometimes leaves me feeling like a failure.  I am excited for my life as a Wife, a Mom and a Christian... but trying to obtain balance is hard. Trying to apply what you learn to everyday life is not the easiest thing to do. I have been searching for HEALTHY recipes to try and cook, learning about nutrition, calories, grams of fat and sodium, sugar blah blah blah... (and that's just one area) Then there is working out, this I actually enjoy, I find it as a stress breaker. Working out has made me feel good, but its the food I crave afterwards that wears me down LOL I feel like I'm watching what I eat so I don't kick all the calories I worked hard burning, right out the window. I have been studying the Bible and I am learning sooo much. I have so many questions. Deep questions, questions that probably don't have answers. I take what I learn and I want to remember it, all of it. I want to engrave God's Word upon my heart. But it seems as soon as I step away from my devotion I struggle with applying so much of what I learn. My biggest down fall I would say is patience, or lack of patience. These are just a few of the things.
.......... Right now I am struggling with relationships that have ended. It is whats best. But it is heart breaking. It is almost like mourning a death. But it is out of my hands. :sigh: When I feel this way I wish I could just surround myself with my family. My Sisters, Sherry and Deborah. My Brother, Ondray and even my parents (if you knew my relationship with my parents you would understand why I said "and even")hahaha  I long for this. I really really do. To be around my nieces and nephew, to eat familiar foods, to laugh at my Father's dry sense of humor, to tease my mom about her broken English, to sit and have deep meaningful conversations with my Big sister while drinking coffee, to surround my brother as a family and pray for him, to be childish and goofy with my little sister Deborah and steal some of her clothes. Yes, I long for my family. So you see even though I am so excited about learning so many new things, in spite of working out and losing weight (yes, this one is huge for me) in spite of my wonderful devotions and all that I am learning ,in spite of ALL the joys that come with that there is this other half that is heavy, that is hurting, that is sad. Not just for me but for others too. Thankfully I have a God that is in control. I can go to Him, cry to Him and I know He hears me. I know He cares. And even when my words fail me (which I am struggling as I type) He knows my heart. I am so incredibly thankful for that.