One Day

My heart is heavy. Why is it that whenever I want to help my family or do something for them, I end up getting the short end of the stick? This isn't with every single person in my family. But with a few of them it is true. I hate it. I wonder if it would have been better to never "be there" for them in the first place. Isn't that horrible?
I know I'm not the only one that struggle with family problems, so i'm sure some of you can relate. But this seriously just weighs my heart. I hate when there is discord. I hate when I feel like things just aren't right between me and someone I love. How do they NOT care? or How do they ignore it? Once again it just makes me feel like I am that easy to be disposed of, or thrown to the way side.  I don't get it. :sigh: How do I fix it if they don't want to hear? If they don't want to talk?
I know that some of you are saying "all you can do is pray for them" and I know that this is true. I know I must pray for them and I do. But that doesn't mend my broken heart. You know what's funny? I use to have such a cold heart. I didn't care about what others thought or said. The only thing that mattered was what I thought. Praise God I am not like that any more.
I understand why loving others is the most difficult task God has set before us. It is not easy to do. When people hurt you and betray you, people that are suppose to love you to the ends of the earth, yet they CHOOSE to throw you away, or crush you with their rejection, it makes it very difficult to want to care. You want to shut down. You want to harden your heart so you can't feel. But I can't do that. Even if I wanted to I don't think I can because I care way too much. I love them way too much. At the same time I wish the aching would go away. I wish that void was filled. I wish love was re-established. But who know's if this will ever happen. Only God can press on their hearts to love to reconcile. There isn't anything I can do. Nothing. And perhaps that is the most difficult part. Letting go. But i'm not there yet. I don't think I'm ready to just say "it is what it is." So until then I will have to keep taking it to my Heavenly Father. I will have to have days when my heart weighs so heavy that it feels like it is sinking into my stomach. Maybe one day.... one day it will be all better.