Mixed Feelings

This pregnancy is rapidly coming to an end. I am now 30 weeks and withing 10 weeks I will be holding my baby girl, Elliana. Miguel and I have talked about whether this will be the last for us. He says maybe just one more, and I say, we are done. Why? Well I keep thinking about the future and just how old I'm gonna be when Ellie graduates form High School. Miguel and I both will be 48 years old. I like the idea of still being young enough to spend time with my husband, and travel to visit my other kids and one day grand kids. I don't want to be up there in age and still having to discipline a teenager at home and have that stress, because I don't think I will have the energy to put up with it. I think of the financial part of it all. My husband is a Pastor and I know that we will never be making a ton of money, or even a lot of money and the financial responsibility that goes with putting your child through college will be difficult. Yes, I know God provides, but I still think we need to plan and be wise.
On the other hand, I love being pregnant. I love the feeling of my little one moving around inside of me. I love the way my belly will grow and get bigger than anyone could even imagine. I love thinking of names, and buying clothes! I look forward to the day they are born, and I can smell that sweet baby smell. Feel the softness of their skin, and look deep into their eyes willing them to know that Mommy loves them so much.
I just can't imagine going through all of that for the last time.... it makes me sad. I always look forward to seeing my kids grow and reach each milestone in their life. But to think that it may stop with the third child, :sigh: I just don't know.
I have some friends and also know of some people that believe in letting God give you as many children as He chooses. No birth control, no anything. They just keep having kids as long as their bodies allow and I just don't believe that is for me. I think it's wonderful that some can and do choose that path, but as for us I think the final number is 3.