Reflections

I walk into a room, I can't see any detail in the room except for a group of young ladies.  They are in a row, some sitting, some standing. I think to myself "these girls look familiar, do I know them?"  I walk closer and I come up to the first girl. She is 11 years old. She is skinny and small. She has her hair pulled back in a pony tail real tight and is neatly dressed. Instead of being happy and excited about life, I see fear and sadness in her eyes. At that moment I understood and knew why she was so sad, tears slipped down my cheeks. It was school. She was being bullied and threatened and didn't have any friends because of this ONE girl. She dreaded going to school. I squatted down and I took her hands. "Look at me little one, you don't know who I am, but I know you. I love you very much and you are very special. I know you are scared, hurting and alone but this pain will make you stronger. It won't be like this forever. Don't worry our Heavenly Father has something wonderful in store for you." The little girl perks up a bit and her heart is comforted. Just hearing these words gave her a little more courage. A little more strength. I come to the next girl about 16 years old, she has her back turned, her arms folded. Her hair is long and beautiful. She is slim and dainty. I walk around to face her and she has a smile on her face. At first glance she seems happy. Except I can see deeper. I know all of her secrets. All of her hurts. She is in love, so in love. She has friends. But this time it is not love or school that is hurting her, it's her home. Her relationship with her parents are broken. Bitterness has taken root in her heart. She is planning on running away from home, not knowing that it will lead toward a chain of events. Again tears fill my eyes and run down my cheeks. I reach out and give the girl a big hug. I squeeze her tight. Oh how I love this young girl. She has no clue, she is so naive. Misunderstood. I pull back and I look her in the eyes. "You don't know me, but I know you. You are a wonderful person. Yes, you have made some wrong choices but I understand and know why you made them. You are smart. You are beautiful and life can be a beautiful thing. Right now you don't understand it. You don't see the beauty in all that you have but you will one day. All of the pain and all of the hurt will only make you stronger. The bitterness is hurting you and it must be removed. Your parents love you. They don't always treat you as if they do, but they are human too. You will make it. I promise. You're stronger than you know. Be smart. Think about what is truly important." I embrace her once more and give her a kiss on her cheek.  As I walk and get closer to the next young lady I can see that she is frustrated. She's in college and is so tired of all the nonsense rules. She feels trapped. You see this isn't a normal college. It's one that dictates every thing you can and can not do. She feels like no matter what she does or doesn't do, she doesn't fit in. Some may say, "just leave." But it's not even an option for her. She doesn't want to disappoint the ones that are rooting for her to make it. She wouldn't even know what to do next if she did leave. So she stays. She struggles, and even though she has friends and even though she is in love, she still feels alone. Misplaced. I put my arm around her," Hi friend. You know, you won't be in this place much longer. You will make it in-spite of what some may think. You don't know this now, but this school is making you a much more balanced young lady. I don't agree with all that takes place with this college. But you do have a choice. You can conform to their beliefs and their rules or you can simply stand and be who you are and walk a lonely road. Either way, you will make it. You are strong and you are special. No matter what others may say, no matter how they see you. You are an amazing young lady. Hang in there my friend." I kiss her on the forehead and walk away. I come to the next lady. She is 21 and dressed in a lovely white wedding dress. Her vale is drawn over her face. But I can see the excitement in her eyes through the vale. She has such a sweet smile. She is so full of hope and love. Thrilled to be marrying a man that is going to make all her dreams come true. One that is going to love and cherish her. One that she can honor and obey. She adores him. It will be a simple vow to uphold. Looking at her, I get a little choked up but I put a smile on my face. I lean in to hug her and I whisper in her ear," You look stunning. Enjoy this day and remember the butterflies, don't ever lose this feeling."  Thank you she replies and her thoughts shift back to her wedding day and all that it will possess. I walk away from her feeling a bit sad and happy at the same time. But then I come across a young mother. She is holding her little baby girl and trying to comfort her.  Her hair is in a sloppy ponytail and she is still in her pajama's.  She has no make up on and I can see that she hasn't been sleeping well. I quicken my pace and I hold out my arms, "here, let me hold her for a little while." "no," she replies "she cries with everyone and she's pretty heavy."  "That's okay," I said and gently took the baby from the weary mothers arms. "Don't worry, I love little babies and I'm pretty good with them." Instantly the little girl quieted down. The new Mother was amazed. "I've been so tired lately. I've been nursing her every hour and she hardly sleeps. She cries so much unless i'm holding her, which I don't mind except i'm exhausted and my husband doesn't understand why I can't get anything done around the house. Some days I forget to even eat or brush my own teeth. All I want to do is take a little nap." The young mother starts to cry but holds back. "Don't worry. You are doing a fabulous job. Go take a nap and I'll just sit right her with your little one." The young Mother was hesitant, but thankful for some help. As she napped I played with the sweet little baby. Taking in the sweet smell of a newborn. Feeling her soft cheek up against mine. I love this little girl so much. She is a special little girl with so much in store for her. It seemed like only moments but the young Mother came back. "Thank you so much, I needed that more than you know." "Believe me, I know exactly how much you needed it." We both laughed and I went on my way. Before I can reach the next young lady, her sobs fill my ears and my heart. Instantly my heart breaks, a sick feeling fills my stomach. I stop in my tracks because for a moment fear crept into my soul. Resisting to give in I run as fast as I can towards the cries. I see her lying on the floor with her face buried. I quickly sit down and put her head in my lap. I push her hair off her face and wipe her tears with my sleeve. I cry with her. She is so broken. So destroyed. Her love has been betrayed. She has been casted to the side, another has been chosen. She is no longer that young bride filled with hope, instead all she feels is betrayal, pain so deep that it takes her breath away. She is simply a shell of what she use to be. Everything she has worked so hard to hold on to has slipped through her fingers. She is more alone now than she has ever been. Fear, hopelessness, confusion, anger, hate, sadness and desolation has filled her heart. Such betrayal by the ones she loved the most. She isn't the only one that has been betrayed either. Her kids.... Her 3 beautiful little babies. Innocent, dependent. They have also been betrayed. All I can do is cry with her, then finally I gain my strength. I sit her up and I hold both of her hands as tight as I can. "Look at me, I want you to believe me. You have to believe me when I tell you that this will pass. You are NOT alone. You are NOT worthless. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are an amazing Mother. You are a fantastic Wife. Your heart is beautiful. Your faith is strong. Your Heavenly Father is holding you and loving you. He hasn't given up on you. Please, you have to believe me. This pain you feel will not last forever. Things will be better. You will be happy again." I began to cry and I just wrapped my arms around her as she sank into my arms. Broken. I didn't want to leave her but knew that I couldn't stay there. I had to stand and press forward. So I wiped my cheeks, I let go of her and I stood up. At first my knees where a little weak and my stomach still queasy. But I quickly regained my composure and walked away. The further I was the stronger I felt. But she was the last of all the woman. Where was I to go next? Then I saw something glimmer. It caught my attention so I walked towards it with curiosity. As I got closer I saw that it was a huge mirror. Except, when I looked into this mirror I didn't see my own reflection. Instead I saw faces of people I knew that have in some way resembled the women I saw earlier. Reflections of women who have been betrayed by their husbands, by their loved ones, by friends. Standing there looking at me broken, sad, struggling. Some smiling yet sadness is in their eyes. Before me I see Women that simply don't fit in and are lonely. They don't see their worth and how beautiful they are. They doubt their self worth. They lost their strength and their hope. They doubt their capability to be a good mother and a good wife, feeling as if they can't ever get it all done and they can't get it right. Ladies filled with insecurities and fear. As I see these ladies, I feel their heartache. I reach out and touch the mirror and my own reflection appears. I stand there and look. What is it that I see? Tears. I see tears. They are running down my cheeks, I can't make it stop. I look deeper, am I sad? Am I hurting? No. I'm happy. I have scars but scars are just proof of surviving the pain. I see that I'm stronger. I'm standing on my own. I know more of who I am. My relationship with my Heavenly Father is deeper and sweeter. He stands right behind me, never leaving me. Never abandoning me, always loving me. So why am I crying? Then I realize..... I'm crying for you. My heart breaks for those of you that have traveled or is traveling a road much like my own. Maybe you haven't reached the place that I am at now, but you will. I want to say to you dear friends, " I love you. You are special. You are worth so so much. You are beautiful and strong. God has something great in store for you. You may not see it, you may even be afraid of it. But you are NOT alone. You have a friend that cares for you. That prays for you and thinks of you. Even if I don't know you well. Even if we have never met in person. If all I know is your story, then I am your friend. I will not judge you. I will not criticize you. I will not blame you. Instead I want to love you. I want to encourage you. I want you to know that you are not alone. Do you hear me? You're not alone. My heart hurts for you. You may feel like there is no hope, but I hope for you. I hope that you will find your strength to stand against the bully's in your life. I hope you will look at yourself and see the beauty that God has given you. I hope you can wipe away the tears and find joy, peace and happiness. You may not be where I am at today, but I hope that one day soon you will be."  I love you.