In the Waiting ~ Greg Long

Love this song.

lyrics :)

Lyrics:

Pain. The gift nobody longs for; still it comes. But somehow leaves us stronger when it's gone away. Pray. I try and pray for Your will to be done. But I confess it's never fast enough for me it seems. The hardest part is waiting on You. When what I really want is just to see Your hand move. I want a peace beyond my understanding. I want to feel it fall like rain In the middle of my hurting. I want to feel Your arms as they surround me. And let me know that it's okay To be here in this place Resting in the peace that only comes In the waiting. Time. Time to let it go and just believe. Trusting in what no one else but You can see. Free. Freedom from the fears that close me in. And I can get beyond where I have been But then again, the silence doesn't mean that I'm alone. As long as I can hear that I am still Your own.

One Word Capture: week 4

Discovering the Past

This is something I started when Abby was little. We would have such interesting conversations and have received many wonderful laughs remembering them. I look at my now 6 (almost 7) year old and am amazed at how much she knows. I don't know if it is because she is the first but she seems so mature for her age. She can carry a conversation with any adult and make perfect sense. In fact she loves talking with adults. I think I stopped keeping track of the things she said at the age of 4. But I want to continue doing this with her and with my other two. Josiah is now 2 years old and he says the funniest and cutest things. So here I am Discovering the past and remembering to remember it!

Abby: age 2.5.

1.One day Abby was standing at my dresser putting on my make-up. My DH walks in and says "what are you doing"? my dd replies "I'm becoming a woman!"

2. I was teaching her the B-I-B-L-E song and she was singing it while she was playing by herself...."I stand alone, on my TIPPY TOES, the B-i-b-l-e"

3. The first time we took our boat out to the lake, Abby asked what the floating things in the water were. We told her they were buoy's. After that every time she would see one she would say "watch out for the boobies"

Abby: age 3

1. Abby never really watched sesame street, so she didn't really know the names of the characters (except Elmo) But her grandma gave her a bunch of sesame street books that use to be her daddy's when he was little. Well one night Abby's grandpa pointed to a character and asked "who's this" she replied "Big duck" (can you guess the right answer? Big Bird)

2. The second character he pointed and asked "who's this" she replied "Oscar the garbage" and of course you know the answer to that one :)

Abby: age 4

1. There was a missionaries daughter that came to visit our church. She was only 2 years old and her name is Victoria. But Abby kept calling her "Bacteria"

2. Miguel and I went on a married couples retreat. But Abby called it "treatment" She would say, "Did you have a good time at your treatment"?

3. The other day we went to go eat at Chile's, and as we were sitting there I pointed at a small beauty mark on Abby's arm. I said "Abby what is that"? and she said "ummmm.... I don't know... a nipple" I died laughing. She got so embarrassed!

4. One day after grooming our little male Yorkie. Abby was petting him and said " Oh mom, you did a great job. He looks like a little Chiualah" (she meant to say Chiuahua) She still calls it chiualah!

5. This is more sweet than anything. When we went for our U/S to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. The Tech asked Abby what she wanted. She replied " a little sister" Well it turned out we are having a little boy! We were so excited. But Abby was silent. Afterwards I went to use the bathroom and she came in with me and she said "mom, it's okay that we are having a boy. I'm just happy to have a brother" I was so proud of her!

6. Instead of asking "when's your due date" she asks "when's your dune date"

7. Abby and went for a Nature Scavenger Hunt and Abby asked me "Mom, are we going to find any little preachers"? I didn't know what she meant so I asked her what she was talking about. She said" you know like little animals with tails and stuff" "OOOOHHHLittle CREATURES!!!"

8.When Miguel was in front of the church congregation announcing that "someone did a number on our shed " Abby heard him. After church, she asked "Dad can I go see what number they wrote on the church shed"?

You may want to skip this post....

Therapy time. Every once in a while I sit down at the computer and I have a strong urge to just gush all my emotions and thoughts onto the screen. Sometimes I will receive news about someones marriage, or I'll some how come across a blog or picture of someone that has hurt me and a flood of emotions come pouring over me. It is sudden, without warning. (like a flood, duh!)
I become overwhelmed with thoughts. I cry. I pray. I seek my Heavenly Father's love and comfort. I come here. I come here and vent. It helps me get things out and in perspective. It's my therapy.
So here it goes..
Why does satan have to work so hard at ruining marriages? Why are we such weak vessels? When are we going to fight back? When are we going to quite thinking about ourselves? When are we going to quit trying to fix our spouses and start trying to fix ourselves? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of satan winning. I am tired of broken relationships, between friends, between family members, between spouses. When will there be restoration and forgiveness? When will the love for each other return? We are all hurting. and so we think that that gives us the right to hurt others. Whether it is through anger or bitterness, separation or isolation. We take the pain inside and we pass it on ten fold to someone else or at the person that caused you pain. How in the world are we as Christians going to do anything for Christ? How are we suppose to serve Him and love Him when we can't even forgive? We are weakening the Christian Body of Christ by holding on to our pain, our pride, our bitterness and anger. I understand that the pain can be overwhelming. I understand that betrayal can cut so deep that you feel as if you will be walking with a open wound for the rest of your life. I know. I know the hurt. But before you can a broken bone can be healed, it must be reset first. It hurts, I know because I've seen it happen on TV :) Nothing heals immediately. Nothing is restored to the exact same way. But it doesn't mean that things can't be better. It doesn't mean that you can't be better. It doesn't mean that the depths of despair is the only place you can dwell.
I ache because there is someone that  I love very much. Someone that has betrayed me in the worse way is no longer a part of my life. Not by my choosing but by their choosing. It doesn't seem fair to me. I am missing out on special things because she is no longer a part of my life. I ache. I'm angry. I feel rejected and betrayed all over again. But all I can do is pray for restoration. For healing. It's not in my control. I just wish satan would no longer have the victory.

One Word Capture: week 3

Discovering my Kids!

Those of us that are Mother's realize and see our kids grow and change every single day. My Abby is going to be 7 years old this February. Josiah is 2.5 and Elliana just turned 1 in November! Everyday I see my kids discovering new things. Ellie has been trying to jump with both feet off the floor, I have also been teaching her facial features.  Josiah, I have discovered, LOVES art. He loves to color and paint. He loves to play with play dough or blocks. I know a lot of 2 years old love these things, but with Josiah he is particular about how he holds his crayon. He WANTS to hold it the correct way and if he can't get it he will ask me for help. He loves to follow instructions. At the same time he is really trying to come into his own little person. He is trying to take control in what kind of food he wants to eat, or which movie he wants to watch. He is discovering that sometimes he will get his way, but Mommy always gets her way!  Then there is my Abby, yes I know they are all mine, but Abby will always be my first child. She will always be the first to go through things with "new parents." Abby is discovering all sorts of things. She has discovered a love for math and science. She has discovered that it is easier and best to just say sorry and to quickly change her attitude rather than having mom change it for her!

I am discovering that if I want to know who I am as a mother I need to ask HER, so here it goes!

1. On a scale from 1-10 what number would you give your mom (10 being the best)? 

Abby: 10 

2. Are you scared of your mom? 

Abby: NO

3.What is the funnest thing you do with your mom?

Abby: Play Kinnect

4. What do you think your mom could do to become a better mom?

Abby: Be her. "you're a better mom just how you are"

5.When do you NOT like your mom?

Abby: Sometimes when I get in trouble

6. What does your mom do that makes you frustrated? 

Abby: Yells at me

7. If there was one thing you could do with just your mom what would it be?

Abby: getting our toes painted together

8.What is your mom really good at?

Abby: taking care of the kids.

9.What do you do that makes your mom the most angry?

Abby: disobey

10.What happens when you disobey?

Abby: I have to write my spelling list until my hand falls off.

11.What is something you have learned from your mom?

Abby: How to cook a little bit.

12.Who does your mom love the most?

Abby: my dad

13. Who does she have the most fun with?

Abby: she has really fun with my dad because I can't drive a car.

14. What is the best thing about your mom?

Abby: That she is good with kids

15. If there was thing about your mom that you could copy, what would it be?

Abby: her cooking.

and there it is folks :)

A Man's Design

Here is my question:  Is it in a boy's natural design to want to please his mother? Simply to make her happy and receive her approval? Is all of that instilled in them from the day they were born?
Allow me to take a minute to explain. My 2 year old son is a picky eater. He HATES veggie's, and he loves chicken most of the time, well if it comes through McDonalds drive thru he loves it. He use to love hamburger, rice and most pasta's. But it seems like lately I can't get it right. He loves spaghetti without any meat. He occasionally likes chicken nuggets. Once in a while he'll eat roast beef. But a lot of times he only takes one or two bites and then he is done. He's already skinny. I feel bad. As a mom it is comforting to know that your child is well fed. So since I am on a path of discovery, I wanted to discover a way to trick him into eating his veggie's. I thought to myself, he likes cheeseburgers, and he likes bagels (he's not a big tortilla or bread fan) I'll just puree some green beans and mix it into the meat. He'll never know! I begin making these burgers. mini burgers. I have never made burgers in my life. My husband usually makes them because he grills. But I wanted to give it a try. I mix everything together and I make mini patties, I put some cheese on top and then place the patty on the bagel. I tried the first one and DANG it was good. I was impressed with myself (LOL) I thought he is going to love this! He will probably eat all of this and ask for more! So I sit him down and we pray for the food, he picks up his bagel burger and takes a big bite...... he chews and chews.... he starts to make a face. "I don't like it mom" I tell him no you need to swallow that. He takes a big gulp of water and washes it down. I make him take another bite, he chews but this time he gags. "Are you kidding me? What do I need to do?" I am now so frustrated. I'm disappointed. I'm annoyed! He pushes it away and says "I don't like it mom. I don't like my sandwich."  Fine. I wasn't gonna force him to eat it. I start wrapping it up. "My Ellie and Abby will eat it" and I sat back down and looked at him. "Josiah, Mommy is sad."  I said to him. "No, I'm happy mom." he replies. "No, I'm sad. I'm sad because I made you a sandwich and you said I don't like it. You made me sad." "I do like it mom, I do like my sandwich." he replied "I want it. I want to eat it." So I pulled it back out of the fridge and gave it to him again. This time he picked it up and he ate it. No problem. He didn't gag at all. He didn't finish it but he ate over half! I looked at him and said "Josiah, I am so happy. You made Mommy so happy" and I could see on his face that making me happy made him even happier. Has he just been playing "battle of the wills" with me? Was he testing the limits all this time? Or does he love me that much that he would choke down a bagel burger just to make his mommy happy?  Whatever it is, I don't want to lose that in him. I want him to always want to make Mommy happy, even as a teenager or young adult. I'm not saying I want him to always make decisions based on my happiness but I do want him to always have that desire in his heart. This must be how God feels when He knows that we as His children give up our own ways, our own will, and take on His desires, His ways. What a beautiful discovery!

One Word Captured: Week 2

Discovering Good Times

One of the things I am trying to discover is fun projects or creative things for my 6 year old daughter to do.  Abby is one of those kids that likes to be busy. She enjoys having projects and crafts. She loves learning and doing experiments. She is the ultimate hands on kind of gal *except when it comes to cleaning her room, but isn't that most kids?*

So I have decided that I want to discover some fun, hands on activities for my kids. Josiah who is 2 years old, loves playing and cutting up play dough. He loves to finger paint and glue. Even at two I can tell that he has a love for creating. 

The picture above is something fun to do outside. You can use spray bottles for a different spray pattern, but I only have water bottles so that is what she used. First I used empty water bottles and filled it up with tap water, I added a few drops of food coloring to each bottle. I then shook it up, and poked a hole in the top of the bottle cap with a knife. *please be careful*

I told Abby to go outside in the snow and get creative. She loved it! I would have had Josiah do it too, but he has a cold. But Abby stayed outside for a while, being creative. It took her a few times to get the hang of it. Knowing when to squeeze the bottle harder for different effects. Blend colors on top of each other to create a new color. She had a great time discovering how to be creative in the snow!

One Word Captured: Week 1

"What is One Little Word Captured?

Join me beginning in January for 52 weeks of a photographic interpretation of your word for 2011. A goal or intention. A deliberate approach. A way to share and encourage each other throught the year." 

DISCOVERING what it means to get organized. This is something I have never been good at doing. I depend on my ingenious brain to just remember everything, but it seems as if my ingenious brain has been on hibernate mode. So This is my calendar. So far it isn't so busy, but I intend to put some meal ideas up there. This isn't the only area that I am trying to organize. I'm looking into buying a dresser and some storage shelfs for the kids room. Ikea is the key word here. We were living in a 1700 sq. ft. home and now we are in a cute little apartment, so I am discovering that organization is the key to sanity. I mentioned IKEA right? YES, well that goes along with my word DISCOVER, because I would love to discover great prices for all the items that I need to purchase :) I am honestly thinking about selling all of my bedroom furniture so I can just start over! I know i'm not the only one that gets into these moods or have these urges! ;) So I want to encourage those of you that know exactly what I am talking about. You have been saying for years that "this" just isn't who I am. Well don't accept that BS. Be better. Work harder and at least ATTEMPT to get organized. I promise you will feel good about yourself. In control of things. And everyone knows that we women like to have control! :) Good Discovering!

2011 word of the Year : DISCOVER

DISCOVER

My husband and I were on a road trip to Ohio. He was talking (as usual :) and I was on my phone browsing FB. It was then that I was reminded that I needed to come up with my new word for 2011. Last year I chose the word progress, and I have to say that it was the perfect word for 2010. I made major progress in so many area's of my life. Even though at time's it felt as if I was going backwards, in reality I was only making progress. I was learning and growing. 

So then I began thinking "what word do I want to have on my mind constantly through 2011" and I came up with a lot of good ones, but I didn't feel as if it was something I wanted to focus on. Then as quickly as I chose a word, I changed it. "Discover" I said out loud to my husband. "That is the word I want for 2011," he then asked why I chose DISCOVER, and here is the answer:

For those of you that follow my blog, you know that my life has changed in so many ways. The person I was, I am no longer. I went through a major separation in my marriage that nearly ended in a divorce. Relationships were severed and hearts (including my own) were crushed. I no longer am a Pastor's wife. I no longer live in a small town. I no longer am angry, instead I am healing. My views on religion and Christianity have changed. My relationship with my Heavenly Father is stronger and more real. But through all of this change there are some things that I am DISCOVERING to be different. I am DISCOVERING that after a storm, peace can come. I am DISCOVERING that there is a system and a better way to getting things accomplished. I am DISCOVERING what is truly important to me. I am DISCOVERING what it means to be happy. And though I have already DISCOVERED so much, I know that there is still much to DISCOVER. About Parenting, about Christianity, about happiness, and about LOVE. I hope through my DISCOVERIES, I can help you to DISCOVER a few things of your own! <3