Feeling Nostalgic

I'm sitting here thinking about my two boys. They both have birthdays coming up. Josiah will be 6 years old and Benjamin will be a year old. I'm trying to think back to when Joey was the age of Ben. It's difficult to recall what was taking place in my life at the time. I could name where we lived and what my husband did for a living, but I can't recall anything specific. I try and remember what he looked like. Chubby cheeks, a couple of teeth and a little bit of hair, but you know what? Without pictures, I really can't remember. This was when Joey turned 1.

This is Josiah when he was just a couple months younger. Here is about 10 months old, the age Ben is right now. 

Look at him. I think Ben resembles Joe a lot. I look at this picture of Josiah and it is so hard for me to remember. I can't remember his voice, the little sounds he use to make, I can't remember how he use to act or if he was getting into things. I know that he was a very easy kid. Very laid back, didn't fuss a lot, didn't get into things he shouldn't be getting into, just a very sweet and loving little boy. 

And now he is going to be 6 years old. 

He is still a pretty laid back kid, so much so that his sisters (both bigger and smaller) complain that he doesn't want to play. All he likes to do is play Minecraft or watch TV. The only way you can get him to go outside is if you let him play in the sand or the mud. He is still a very sweet fun loving little boy, but he thinks for himself now. He lets you know if he doesn't like something or if he doesn't want to do what you're doing. He gets angry and acts out. He has ideas of his own and opinions. He's growing up and becoming his own person. Before I know it he will be a teenager and then a young adult. 

Which brings me to my baby. Benjamin. He is still just a baby and yet he will be a toddler soon. He's already on his way. 

Here Ben is crawling up the stairs. He learned how to crawl when he just turned 9 months old. It wasn't long before he started zooming all over the place. He knows how to go up the stairs but hasn't figured out how to come down. So you know what he does? He just sits back in hopes that someone will catch him or that there will be a soft landing. 

It's things like this, that I forget. And with him being my last baby I don't want to forget. I want to remember. I want to remember that Ben is silly, even as a baby. He loves to play peek a boo. 

And it doesn't matter what he has in his hands he will still try and hide behind it hahaha. Ben has always been very coordinated with his little fingers. He uses his pincher fingers (index and thumb) to pick up his cheerio's and other tiny things. He is great and hand eye coordination. Ben also loves food! I put him in the high chair and he gets so excited. He loves food. This is a happy and yet sad thing for me because the more food he eats,the less he wants to nurse. He is 10 months old and is weaning himself from me. This is hard for me because I wanted to nurse him longer. I know some think it's strange but it really is good for a child to nurse for at least 2 years. I have nursed all of my kids and I don't do it because it is easy. In fact Ben is a very difficult nurser and he always has been. He tugs and pulls, bites and leaves me a mess. He gets distracted so easily. He really does prefer solid foods to my milk. I think this picture says it all :) He's eating an ice cream cone here.

Ben is so young and yet his personality is so big. He loves to make us laugh. If he does something and you laugh, he will keep doing it. He is also sensitive to others emotions. If I fake cry or if the kids are really crying he will crawl to you and lay his head on you. He cries if one of the others is crying. He is not difficult to discipline. I just have to tell him strongly "no" one or two times and he usually catches on and crawls away. One thing he does that always makes me laugh is when one of the kids has a popsicle or a lollipop he will do whatever he can to get it from them. 

These are just a few of the things that I know I will forget, but at least I can capture it with my camera. But what about those things that I can't capture on film? 

The twinkle in his eyes when he looks right into mine, the sweet smell of his baby breath after nursing, his sweaty little palms and their sweet yet dusty smell from crawling. His sweaty little stinky toes, the way the top of his head smells. The softness of his skin and the little crook in his neck that I love snuggling so much. 

Maybe it is now hitting me that I will no longer have this. Not until my kids have kids. All I can do now is try and savour (I 

hate that word) but truly savour each moment with my kids while they are kids, and Ben while he is still my baby. Before I know it he will be six years old like his big brother and I will no longer remember all these things that make my heart swell with love.